Aaa! #13 – I love it! It’s just funny how people think some of these things are perfectly acceptable. I’ve heard much worse (as I told Sarah about the person who said her coworker suggested she should be the first one shot if their bank was ever robbed since she was the only one without kids). I’m not sure if this is necessary a “Do Not Say” list, but definitely a “Think before you say” list. Proceed with caution!

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve gone through a lot of this from people over your mom. Like the person who suggested you should be over grieving by now. Really?

I had to actually go back and see what you said that Hubby responded to. That wasn’t really bad (I don’t think he took it that way at all). i don’t think you’ve said anything. Actually, I don’t really think anyone on Twitter has said anything bad. I try to keep most of the news off Facebook, though. You can never trust them. Too many mommies and family people.

I’m hoping people won’t necessarily take this as an end-all-be-all list of what not to say. Sometimes it’s OK to say things. Like, for example, AKADory often jokes about this stuff with me and it’s OK (but then she’s been there through all of this, knows every little doctors appointment, and I’ve felt comfortable enough cracking jokes myself. Sort of just developed over time). Acquaintances or coworkers or people who don’t really know me but feel the urge to comment if I mention just a little bit of our story, yeah, not cool.

Oh and the “God doesn’t want that for you…” I would probably hit a bitch. No joke. (OK, well, I’d storm out and make a scene).

I was really worried people would be like, “Oh my gosh! I said that!” I didn’t really want people to feel nervous about talking to me, but these are also fairly common things I’ve heard from different people with fertility challenges (I’ve actually heard worse, like someone’s coworker saying, in all honesty, that if their bank was robbed, they should kill HER first because every other woman in the bank has kids. Ouch.). Anyway, as I said, it’s just weird how “nice” comments can be taken the wrong way. I’m pretty sure I’ve said several things on that list (although not to a person who was infertile, but I’m pretty sure I’ve said “oh why don’t people just adopt”).

However… I will say that I’ve always through infertility is a very personal thing. So if someone brings it up, I don’t ask about adoption (b/c to me, that’s also a very personal decision that’s none of my business!), IVF (I don’t want to be poked by needles, I’m going to assume no one does), or bring up the God thing. When someone brings religion into it, I always hear “Obviously God didn’t want it for you…” or something. In fact, I never ask too many questions, I always assume that they will tell me how much they want me to know.

I will say that when I tweeted about my friend feeling a little down b/c his wife was pregnant, MrDomestic was quick to respond with something and then I felt bad. I try to be sensitive on what I say but sometimes I think of the detail of it (his wife is in med school, he said now he’ll never get to sleep with an asian or a black chick.) instead of the pregnancy-related part of it.

I hope you’ll keep educating us on what to say and what not to say. It’s good to have an inside view on how to be more sensitive!

You rock at taking difficult subjects and making them light-hearted (even when it’s not a light-hearted subject.) It’s one of my favorite things about ya.

Number nine made me snort.